


Crack Under The Pressure

by harperslanding



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 00:54:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21027581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harperslanding/pseuds/harperslanding
Summary: Being the leader isn't always easy. After a sparring match with Stevonnie at a particularly bad time causes her to crack under the pressure of always being strong (both figuratively and literally), Garnet decides to open up about her mental health.





	Crack Under The Pressure

She frowns.

On one hand, she ought to be supportive of her wife in this time of need. She needs to be a good partner, and to do that she needs to be understanding. She needs to focus on the problem at hand rather than unnecessarily criticizing her way of expressing emotions.

On the other hand, if this keeps happening, at some point Pearl will start noticing the scorch marks.

“Calm down, Ruby, you’re burning the floor.”

“I can’t calm down!” yells Ruby, throwing her hands in the air. “I know what I saw!”

“I saw it too. That does not mean it’s going to happen.”

“And --” Ruby paces faster, rambling at great length as she does so. “And Pearl’s going to think we’re a disgrace, and, and --”

“Even if that does happen, we can find a way to cope.”

“What would you know?!”

Sapphire raises her eyebrow. “I’ve had future vision longer than you have.”

“Your future vision is lousy!” protests Ruby. “But when we’re Garnet, it’s always right!”

“Not always. And that was only one possible future.”

“Gah!” yells Ruby, continuing to stomp scorch marks into the floor.

Sapphire consciously focuses on not allowing a wave of ice to reach the floor, and says calmly, “Pearl’s going to notice the marks if you keep stomping like that.”

“Pearl never notices anything!” She kicks a drawer for emphasis and Sapphire rushes to put out the resulting flames. “Pearl never notices when we need help, only when we cause problems!”

“I’m sure that’s --”

Sapphire’s interrupted by a voice calling from the other room. “Garnet! Stevonnie wants you.”

Sapphire freezes. “We have to re-fuse. Pearl will be worried.”

“Pearl never worries!” spits Ruby. “Pearl, ugh, Pearl can never tell when we’re upset! We always have to be the bigger person!”

“We can deal with this later, Ruby. Stevonnie needs us.”

“Well what do you want me to do?!” chokes Ruby. “I’m scared!”

Sapphire hesitates, then holds a hand out to her wife. “We can be scared together.”

With the same hesitation, the reluctance to let Sapphire feel how she feels, Ruby takes the hand. Millenia of practice has made them experts at fusing, and the small touch is all that’s necessary for them to be surrounded by a white glow. Garnet summons her star-shaped visor to make it harder for observers to see the distress in her face, and exits the room.

This isn’t the first time. She has a feeling that it won’t be the last. Blinking away the image of prejudiced Homeworld gems cornering her in the streets of Beach City and forcing her to unfuse, she puts on a smile to greet Stevonnie.

They’re sitting on the couch next to Amethyst, watching Crying Breakfast Friends. Garnet glances over at the screen. She’s seen this episode before, with her future vision. It’s the one where Grape opens up about her issues and Pear and Avocado help her. Steven can catch up on it later. She clears her throat.

“Pearl said you wanted me.”

“Mm-hmm!” says Stevonnie enthusiastically. “We’ve been practicing our fighting skills as a fusion a lot lately …”

“They managed to poof Bismuth!” chimes Pearl, clearly bragging on their behalf.

Stevonnie nods. “And I wanted to show you how much I’ve improved! So, uh, will you spar with me?”

Garnet hesitates, but nods, for Stevonnie’s sake. She can’t let them feel rejected, and besides, many of the Homeworld gems moving to Beach City are bitter that they were forced to give up their privilege and it’s good for them to be able to fight. “Let’s go to the arena.”

* * *

They close their eyes and brace for the impact. Their knees buckle, but their shield holds.

“I can tell you’re improving,” says Garnet, smiling as though she didn’t just try to jump onto them from above. They suppose she must have been able to tell they would block it -- future vision and all. She certainly isn’t afraid to stop mid-attack if she senses that she might actually hurt them, so it seems more likely than not.

Stevonnie gives a determined grin. “So how long will it take you to regenerate once I’ve decimated your physical form?”

Garnet grins back. “I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

“If you want to believe that.” They lunge with the sword but Garnet just manages to dodge. “If I were you, I’d start thinking of outfit ideas now.”

“I already am,” answers Garnet as she dodges. “I’m deciding what jacket to buy Steven after he loses, so he can change after his defeat like a true Crystal Gem.”

Stevonnie stops for breath, panting with their hands on their knees. “No fair, it’s easy for you to fight while talking. You don’t even have to breathe in the first place!”

They cease their verbal combat and replace it with a more physical type -- lunge after lunge after lunge. Garnet struggles to keep up with them, and for a second they wonder why she seems to be having so much trouble -- isn’t she able to use her future vision?

She summons her gauntlets and aims a punch at them, but stops in mid-air even though their shield is already blocking them from harm, hesitating. They take her delay as a chance to swing their sword at her and she swerves to dodge it.

Lunge, lunge, lunge -- it quickly turns into a battle of endurance. Can Stevonnie keep swinging for longer than Garnet can dodge? They suppose they’ll have to. It’s clear that they can obtain victory by poofing Garnet or forcing her to unfuse, but it’s less clear how Garnet can win, particularly since she’s avoiding any actual attacks toward them -- they are mostly human, after all, and they could be badly hurt. They suppose they won’t lose until they forfeit.

A particularly quick lunge catches Garnet off guard, and she’s visibly startled. She leaps out of the way and Stevonnie’s sword barely misses her form. They grin to themself. Garnet has future vision, so taking her off guard is its own victory even if they can’t poof her. They half expect her to declare the match a tie now -- or, more optimistically, a victory for them.

They frown.

It’s been entirely too long since they lunged and they still haven’t heard anything from Garnet.

There’s a loud thumping noise from somewhere behind them and they jump.

They turn sharply, scanning the arena, and see a large slab of rock a few metres away from them, evidently the source of the noise. They look up to find where the rock had come from, and sees a pillar of stone, one of the many pillars surrounding the arena. Only this one has noticeable cracks down running down it, and Garnet's lying at the bottom.

“Garnet!” they hiss. She must have fallen into it in her attempt to dodge. Another slab of rock begins to edge away from the pillar, and they sigh. Discarding their sword, they raise their shield above their head for protection, and run.

Before they know it rocks are falling on all sides of them, and they gasp for breath as they run. They’re not too concerned about Garnet being poofed, but some of those boulders are easily large enough to shatter a gem under their weight, so they keep going.

Ahead of them they can see Garnet struggling to her feet, visor crooked and struggling to dodge the falling rocks. Is she somehow unable to use her future vision? But there’s no time to question her unusual vulnerability. They keep running.

They finally reach her, and they move their shield so that it covers Garnet as well as them. They gasp for air, and it’s until Garnet’s jumping past them that they turn and see the rock headed toward them. Before they have time to worry about dodging it, Garnet palms the slab, letting it break on her hand before it can reach them -- but her movement away from Stevonnie moved her away from the shield, and into the line of fire.

With a running leap they grab onto Garnet’s arm, and a pink bubble forms around the two. “Phew,” they mumble, wiping a layer of sweat off of their forehead. They turne to Garnet. “You okay?”

Garnet’s legs wobble beneath her and she exhales shakily. “Stevonnie, your spit. Quickly.” Her voice has a sense of urgency that makes Stevonnie’s heart (hearts? heart? They never bothered to check what happens to their component’s internal organs when fused, and they don’t know how many they have) race.

“My … oh, right, healing spit.” It was hard enough for Steven to get used to it, let alone Stevonnie, half of whom had never had any sort of magical powers whatsoever before learning to fuse. They remember Garnet effortlessly palming the rock to protect them, and with a jolt they remember where Garnet’s gems were. They quickly spit onto their own palm. “Show me.”

Garnet holds out her left hand, unclenching her fist to reveal Ruby’s gem. The red gem has a large crack that almost spread across its entire surface, and Stevonnie shudders to think what could have happened if they weren’t so quick. Without hesitation they take Garnet’s hand in what can only be described as a life-saving spit-shake.

They squeeze her hand tighter and with more confidence than they would with anyone else, and hold it for uncomfortably long, like a handshake at the beginning of a job interview except more necessary for life and rather more unhygenic. When they finally release their grip, they hold her palm to check that the crack was sealed completely. Her hand is shaking. They run their fingers over the surface of the gem to make sure there’s no possibility of it still being damaged, and Garnet pulls away.

“...Garnet? Are you okay?”

Garnet’s breaths grow heavier and more frantic. She adjusts her visor, but Connie’s eyes have been particularly keen since Steven healed them and Stevonnie’s inherited the trait; they can see drops of water peeking out from underneath the visor.

“...Garnet, what’s wrong?”

Garnet remains silent for a long time. As the falling rocks on all sides of them subside, she finally chokes out, “Why can’t I just ignore it?!”

“Wh-What?” It takes them more than a little off guard. Garnet does not ask questions -- her self-confidence forbids it. She’s always so sure of herself that there’s no need to ask; saying “will you fuse with me?” instead of “let’s fuse” would require uncertainty about the other participant’s willingness, and saying “what happened?” instead of “tell me what happened?” would imply that her authority is not enough to get people to talk.

Also, what’s “it”?

Tears stream down her face under her visor, and Stevonnie swallows their confusion. Their face assumes a sympathetic look. “Hey, Garnet, it’s okay.”

“It’s not!” She pulls them into a hug, and they can feel the shaking of her body, her frantic breathing, the way she shudders with each sob.

“Shh, Garnet, breathe, it’s okay. Take a moment to think of just…”

“...Flexibility, love and trust…” finishes Garnet shakily, her voice audibly cracking.

“See?” They move away from the hug. “It was just a thought. It’s okay.”

“Just a thought.” she mumbles, more to herself than to them. She wipes the tear tracks off her face. “I’m sorry you had to witness that.”

“Hey, don’t apologise! It’s okay to be upset sometimes. Do you wanna talk about it?”

Garnet shakes her head.

“Well, is there anything I can do to help?”

Garnet hesitates. “...Do you think you could call Pearl?”

* * *

“Man, I can’t believe the Ste-man is missing this episode!”

A cartoon grape cries and Pearl rolls her eyes. “I don’t know how you can watch that.”

“Uh, duh! It’s, like, art or something. Your phone’s ringing.”

Pearl looks up and sees her phone lying on the couch’s armrest. She quickly picks it up, eager to arrange a time to meet up with a human woman who wishes to engage in the practice of “dating” with her. She looks at the contact and frowns.

It’s Steven.

She quickly picks up, moving into the kitchen so she can talk without disturbing Amethyst. “Hi, err -- Steven? Stevonnie? Who am I talking to?”

“It’s Stevonnie,” answers Stevonnie. “Don’t worry, I’m okay, it’s just, uh … Garnet’s upset.”

Pearl frowns. Garnet does not get upset. “Is she unfused?”

“No, she’s … I don’t know. She wasn’t all there when we were sparring, and then she accidentally cracked her gem and after I healed it she just started crying and asked me to call you.” Before Pearl can reply, they say, “And I mean ask. She didn’t tell me to call you, she actually asked if I could.”

“Garnet does not normally ask questions,” says Pearl, frowning. “Does she want me to come to the Sky Arena, or … ?”

“Uh…” They cover the phone with their hand and say something unclear, and after a pause for Garnet’s response, answer, “She wants to talk to you. She’d like you to come here, if that’s okay.” Another pause. “She says to bring Amethyst if you can.”

“Hmm…” Pearl frowns, partially out of confusion, partially out of concern. Garnet being upset, asking questions, and reaching out for help, all in the span of one day? “Tell her I’ll be there soon.” She hangs up, puts her phone in the pocket, and notices some suspiciously boot-shaped scorch marks on the floor.

...Well, that explains something, at least.

She walks over to the couch. “Amethyst, Garnet needs us. She’s upset.”

Amethyst does a double take. “What could the G-Squad possibly need us for?”

“...I don’t know. But she needs us.”

Amethyst is a little hesitant, but she stands up. “Well, she’s always there when we need her. I guess we oughta do the same.”

* * *

As soon as she sees two figures in the distance, one tall and thin and the other short and round, she makes an excuse for Stevonnie to leave. She has a feeling they see right through it, but they run out of the arena nonetheless, and Garnet takes a few deep breaths to prepare herself for the discussion ahead of her.

This is for her own good. She can’t keep bottling it up forever. She needs to talk to somebody. This is for her own good.

It’s still terrifying.

Pearl’s immediate response is to pull her into a hug before either of them have a chance to say anything. “Are you okay? Stevonnie said you were --”

“Pearl.” She tries to summon her usual air of authority but her voice is still shaky and her physical form is just as bad. She pulls away from the hug and sits cross-legged on the rock floor, gesturing for Pearl to do the same. Amethyst follows her lead, sitting on the other side of Garnet.

“Your gems.” Garnet obediently holds out her open palms. Pearl checks them for any damage, recoiling at the left palm that’s still covered by a layer of spit, and then frowns. “So what’s wrong?”

She takes a deep breath and takes off her visor. Her eyes are still red and it’s obvious that she’s been crying, but she’s lost all hope of hiding that by now. It’s easier to be open and vulnerable when they can see her face.

Well, here goes nothing.

“...Sometimes,” she begins uncertainly, glancing up at Pearl’s encouraging nod as though looking for approval to continue. “When I’m looking at different possible futures, and a lot of them end badly, it can be a bit … overwhelming.”

“It’s okay, G, you can tell us,” encourages Amethyst.

She takes another deep breath. She seems to be taking a lot of them today, especially considering that she does not actually need to breathe. “I’ve been having anxiety attacks since Rose died.”

“Garnet!” says Pearl, half scolding and half sympathetic, wrapping her arms around the fusion’s body. “Why didn’t you say something sooner? You don’t have to bottle it all up! It’s okay, we can devise a system to prevent future incidents by identifying possible triggers and --”

“It’s because you’re the leader, isn’t it?”

Garnet freezes. Pearl releases her grip.

“Well, that’s what started when Rose died, isn’t it?” asks Amethyst. “I mean, that and the lack of Rose, obviously. But … I dunno, P, it seems kinda weird to be asking her why she didn’t tell us sooner when we’ve been relying on her to be strong for the past fifteen years.”

“But…” stutters Pearl. “You don’t know that that’s the reason! It could be any number of things, it might be that --”

“Pearl.” Garnet holds up a hand to silence Pearl and continues. “Amethyst has a point. It’s not always easy being in charge. I always feel like I have to be strong, even when I’m not.”

“Oh…” Pearl’s eyes turn to stars and she quickly continues, “But we don’t have to have a leader anymore! The Diamonds are our allies now. We don’t have to worry about fighting anymore!”

“Yeah!” agrees Amethyst. “And there’s so many Crystal Gems now that we can all lean on each other instead of always leaning on you!”

“Garnet…” Pearl takes Garnet’s palms into her own. “What you did as the leader of the Crystal Gems was incredibly valuable. You made so many contributions to our success. Without your leadership, we wouldn’t have gotten to where we are today … but now we are here and you don’t need to always be strong. We’ll always be here for you.”

“Th-Thank you.” She wipes tears from three eyes. “I don’t know what I’d do without you two.”

“We’re a team, G-squad! We should have been supporting you like this ages ago. It’s about time we all started pulling our weight!”

“Exactly,” agrees Pearl. “From now on, I want you to know that you can always talk to us if --” Her phone buzzes. With a frown she takes it out of her pocket. “Ugh, it’s just Peridot texting me from her tablet. She says we’re missing the best episode of Crying Breakfast friends.

Amethyst smiles. “Y’know, I think it was worth missing.”

“Me too,” agrees Garnet, squeezing Pearl’s hand with one of her hands and Amethyst’s with the other, sighing in relief at the burden lifted off of her shoulders. “Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> fyi, the fact that the Crying Breakfast Friends episode is about "Grape" (read: Garnet) opening up about her problems and "Pear and Avocado" (Pearl and Amethyst) is deliberate.


End file.
